Good Feeling

Year One, Month Five, Day 18

Well, now that I have let y’all in on my latest romantic victim “Alex,” I’ll go ahead and fill you in on some of the complications in this budding relationship.

I mentioned in my last post that he was the same age as my brother.  He is average height (about 5’10”), has salt and pepper hair, blue eyes, a very strong jaw line, and the cutest little dimpled chin.  He’s no movie star, but when he smiles, his entire face lights up and he is quite attractive.

He is a geologist by training, and works mainly in water/envionmental clean up for a government contractor. He grew up here in town, and went to a now long gone high school on the south side.  He attended a university other than the one in our city, but at least it wasn’t one of its biggest competitors, so should we still be seeing each other come football season, we can at least root for the others alma mater (until they play each other).

He has three children (all in their 20’s) and one grandchild (age 10), and his oldest child is getting married in a couple of months. No, I have not met them yet; I’m leaving the timing for that up to him.

His first wife died of colon cancer about eight years ago; his children were all in their teens when she passed away.  His father died about year after his wife.  He then married his second wife about six months after his dad passed away, about eighteen months after his first wife.

Alex told me at the time he realized he was probably making a mistake by marrying this woman, but he did it anyway. And as it turned out, he was right. She apparently would not let his kids come to the wedding, and did not want them to be a part of his life. And, he let her do it because he didn’t want to hear her complain, bitch and moan about it.

It sounds like he has managed to successfully rebuild his relationship with his kids.  But because he rushed a relationship with a woman while he was mourning his first wife and father, I going to let him set the timetable on meeting his kids… even though they are aware he is seeing someone.

Here’s the main complication.

He’s separated….not divorced.  He has been separated from wife number two for four years. And Alex says the final divorce settlement is ready to be filed… once his step daughter graduates from college next year.

To give him credit, he told me about the separation in the first thirty minutes of our first date. And to my credit, I didn’t mentally give him the heave-ho when he told me.

His stepdaughter has some gynecological issues that require monitoring, and her mom apparently cannot afford to cover the child on her insurance, so Alex is keeping her on his health plan until she starts her job next summer. (Her father isn’t in the picture.)  He also apparently owns the condo this girl is living in and is planning to sell it to her when she is fully employed.

I appreciated the fact that he was being honest with me. (He had,during our online chatting, given me his full name and said to Google him.  I did, and everything he told me matched.)   It shows he is a caring man who takes family responsibilities seriously.

When I decided to date “age appropriate” men, I realized children (and possible grandchildren) were going to part of the equation, and I was going to have to accept that the kids (no matter their age) would come first.  When I was seeing Troy, I had no intention of coming between him and his children, and I have the same intention with Alex.

I find Alex’s dedication and love for his family attractive…because it matches mine.  In fact, we laugh at just how much we have in common.

  1. We both spent summers growing up in the “country” with grandparents.
  2. Our family backgrounds are similar:  never divorced parents in an upper middle class suburban neighborhood.  Our moms had a lot of the same interests…our dads were hardworking professionals.
  3. His grandson calls him the same name that my dad was called by my nieces (Poppy).
  4. His stepdaughter’s gynecological issue is the same as mine at her age (polycystic ovarian disease.)
  5. His soon to be ex is a negative thinking, devil’s advocate type who is never wrong about anything. (Just like Robert.)
  6. We both hate conflict and will do anything we can to avoid it. (Not a good thing, but I am working on at least talking about problems before they become an issue.)

Of course, we have a lot of “superficial” things in common as well, TV shows, music, food likes/dislikes, etc.

And, I’ll be blunt here; the sex is fantastic. We just seem to “fit” perfectly.

I know right now we are still in the “honeymoon” period of the relationship.  The oxytocin is flowing and we are infatuated with each other.  I know he isn’t perfect and I sure as hell know I’m not perfect. What happens when we have a crisis or have to face a problem together, I don’t know. We can only find out the answers in time…and can only hope that we will stick it out.

One thing I have realized about being in love is that it’s all about how that other person makes you feel inside…and how you want to make them feel inside. It’s not about jobs, looks, money, kids, family.

It’s about the two of you…and all that superficial shit isn’t important.

I am NOT in love…yet. But, I can see it happening.

I have a good feeling about Alex.

A very good feeling indeed.

Here Comes the Sun

Year 1, Month 3, Day 1

Welcome back, Gentle Reader.

I’m surprised you’ve returned, considering how gloomy my last posts were.   I guess all the wintry weather and Valentine’s Day got to me more than I realized.

But, I’m over it now.

I guess it was another case of the menopause blues.  🙂

When I woke up this morning, I could see the first rays of sunlight streaming into my bedroom, I could hear birds singing outside my window, and I could feel the warmth in the air.

The “long cold lonely winter” is nearly over.

Granted, I’m still not in a real relationship…I’m still in love with Peter… and I’m still looking for a full-time job.

But, the flip side is:

  • I know what I am looking for in a man (and I’m not going to settle)
  • I have the wisdom gained from my past relationships to guide me
  • I had a very promising job interview last week

In other words, things are starting to turn around for Lizzie.

I know it is trite to say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but it really does.  I recognized the signs I was about to slide into another extended period of depression, and I’m nipping it in the bud.   I am going to live in the present and let the past go.  I am actually grateful for the experiences I have had over the last six years.

I look back and smile, because the last six years made me who I am NOW… stronger and wiser.

I KNOW I’m not a silver medalist.  I KNOW I’m not second best.  I KNOW I am going to find my Mr. Darcy.

Here comes the sun…
Here comes the sun…and I say…
It’s all right…

Valentine’s Day

Year 1, Month 2, Day 26

It’s Valentine’s Day. (And tomorrow is Half Price Chocolate Day…whoo hoo!)

My second Valentine’s Day without a sweetheart. Yes, I do have a regular “fuck buddy” now, but Valentine’s Day isn’t about sex.

It’s about romance.

I’m not talking about expensive dinners, flowers, and chocolate (though I never turn them down). I can treat myself to those anytime I want.

Romance isn’t about grand gestures and extravagant presents.  Romance is:

  • Waking up to a cup of hot coffee served in your favorite mug without having to get out of bed.
  • Listening to music you hate (and tolerating it) because your partner loves it.
  • Always cleaning up the kitchen after a meal because your partner did the cooking.
  • Holding hands…anytime…anywhere.
  • Snuggling on the couch and watching a movie or TV show.
  • Giving your partner a gift “just because.”

I could go on, but you get the idea.

It’s the everyday gestures which are so easy to take for granted that mean the most; not diamond jewelry or sexy lingerie.

So, unlike last year, I’m not sitting in my big comfy chair and crying all night while the man I love is spending it eating chicken wings and watching TV with his crazy ass fiancee. (Yeah, that’s how Peter spent his Valentine’s Day last year. How romantic is that?)

I’m spending it with a person I love.  The cutest, funniest, kindest person I know.


I’m going to treat myself this evening to a wonderful meal, a bottle of wine, a decadent dessert and a chick flick (“Pride and Prejudice” anyone) and maybe a long, hot bubble bath.

In other words, I’m going on a date with myself.

I am a happier and more balanced person without Robert. I am happier without Peter because I’m not agonizing over NOT being with him. (Though I would take him back in a heartbeat if he asked.) I am happier without Troy because I’m not analyzing every text message and phone call.

One thing I have learned is you need to love yourself before you can love another. I’m well on the way to doing that.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Gentle Reader.  May you have the love and romance you deserve!