Stuck on You


Year One, Month 7, Day 25

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Cupid is a sneaky little bastard.

Alex used the “L” word. (And I don’t mean “lesbian.”)

In an earlier post, I had admitted that I was falling in love with him, but  I was completely unsure about how he felt about me. He’s been through so much the last ten years, that I didn’t really think he WANTED to fall in love again.

And I wasn’t sure I was ready for it myself.

Well, let me explain how it happened.

We had gotten together for our usual Friday night date.  This time it was dinner and we stopped by one of my dearest friend’s home for her 50th birthday party.  (Yes, I’m slowly introducing Allen to my friends and family.)  He was a hit with Annette and her hubby.

We got back to my place, and well, you know.  We are still in the stage where we can’t keep our hands off each other.  🙂

When we woke up the next morning, we enjoyed each other,coffee, breakfast, and each other (again).

But this time somethingfelt very different. I could feel the emotional connection and his vulnerability.  His gentleness and his passion.

At one point, he raises up on his forearms, looks me square in the eye and says “I love you, Lizzie.”

My heart stopped and I could feel tears in my eyes.  I thought to myself…”Does he love me or does he love fucking me? ”  I knew I was going to have to gently find out what he meant, since men will say the darndest things during sex.

I, of course, replied, “I love you, Alex.”  It is honestly how I feel, and I thought may as well let the cat out of the bag.

He saw the tears in my eyes, kissed them away, and said, “I hope those are happy tears, Sweetie. I’m going to do everything in my power to make you happy…and I’m never letting you go.”

Afterwards, he grinned at me and said “Oops…we’ve gone and done it now.”  I asked him if he really meant it when he said he loved me….or was is just the sex?

Alex smiled at me and said, “I love you AND making love to you.  They are one and the same. I knew pretty early on I was falling for you…and I could see how you felt about me when I looked in your eyes.  Yours really are ‘windows to the soul,” Lizzie.  It just felt right at that moment to tell you how I felt.”

I told him that I had meant what I said…that I loved him too and he was stuck with me.

“But,” I continued, “I know this complicates things for you, and that you probably weren’t looking or expecting to fall in love. Let’s just see how everything goes and not rush things.  I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, Alex.  All I want is to make you happy for the rest of my life.”

“You already do that, Sweetie,”  he said.

I’ve found one of my ones.

Stuck on you
I’ve got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can’t lose
Guess, I’m on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I’ll be with you till the end
Guess I’m on my way
Mighty glad you stayed

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Daughters


Year 1, Month 7, Day 5

I had an interesting conversation with Alex yesterday.

I believe I have mentioned that one of his daughters is getting married at the end of July. He had not mentioned anything about my attending with him, and I was certainly not going to mention it. Since I have not met this daughter yet, I can totally understand why she would not think to invite me. Besides, I have only been dating her dad for three months (four by the time of the wedding) so it’s still in the early days. All perfectly logical reasons and nothing for me to get upset about.

Last night, we were on our usual weeknight date, enjoying dinner at a nearby restaurant. I was filling him in on which of my family members (and old friends) he would be meeting this weekend. (My brother, his crazy ass wife, his youngest daughter, and my brother’s BFF.) Somehow we got started talking about my brother’s wedding and elopements (I think it was because we could overhear the young couple sitting across from us discussing their wedding plans) and he seized the moment and said…

I want to let you know why I haven’t said anything about you coming with me to  ‘Mary Beth’s’ wedding.  It’s a sensitive issue with her, and I want you to know the back story.   When she got married for the first time a few years ago, I was engaged to my wife.  My daughter did not want my then fiancée sitting with the family on the first row.  My ex threw a fit at the rehearsal dinner, and really showed her ass.  I made the decision to support her (since I really just wanted her to be quiet) and it pissed off my daughter.    Because of my bad decision, I didn’t see her or my grandson for two years.   I don’t your feelings to be hurt that night if you are not included.   She and I haven’t talked about it yet…so I’m not sure which way she is going to go.

First, I was astonished at how SELFISH Alex’s soon to be ex is.  it sounds as if this woman already considered herself a part of the family even though they were “engaged” and not actually married.  And since this was not even a couple of years after his first wife had passed away, it was incredibly insensitive of this woman to insist on being treated like “family.”  Secondly, he is still legally married to that woman, so his bringing a girlfriend could be awkward for his extended family (sister and in-laws).  And third, this day is about his daughter…not me…and not my relationship with Alex.  So her and her fiance’s wishes are what’s important… not me.

So, I said:

Alex, it is entirely up to you and her as to whether I am included as your guest.  I haven’t met her yet, so I can understand why she may not want me there…especially if your soon to be ex caused drama at her first wedding.   This is Mary Beth’s day, and her wishes are what’s important… not me.  I think you know me well enough at this point to know that I certainly wouldn’t insist on being treated as a family member or step-mother. If I am included, I am perfectly fine sitting behind the family on the fourth or fifth row and not being included in any pictures.

I also suspect “Cathy” and “Becky” (the daughters who have met me) told Mary Beth I was nothing like that woman, and she wouldn’t have to worry about any drama from me.   But, again, it’s her decision….and I won’t be upset if she doesn’t want me there.

He had a bemused look on his face when I told him this. He replied, “I am not used to hearing this kind of thing from a woman.  I can’t believe you wouldn’t feel hurt if you weren’t included.”

I replied, “I wasn’t included in the Father’s Day cookout at her place…and it didn’t bother me.  That was father-daughter time and that needed to be family only. Granted, it was odd not spending the evening with you, but I was okay with it…and totally understood why I wasn’t included.”

He just looked at me and grinned, and said, “You have a point there.  And Cathy asked me if Mary Beth had included you…and I told her ‘I didn’t ask her if I could bring Lizzie.  I didn’t want to push it.’  She wasn’t happy about it, but understood why.”

I replied, “I was properly raised…and know better than to force myself into family situations. All I ask is that I have enough time to pull together an outfit so I don’t embarrass you.”

“It’s a deal!” he said…and we shifted the conversation to less sensitive subjects.

I now realize how hurt Alex was by his estranged wife. How eager he is to avoid confrontation.   He lost contact with oldest daughter and only grandchild for years because he chose to keep that woman happy and put his children second.

It gives me a sense of his priorities.

Children (even if they are grown up) come first.  It also lets me know he trusts me enough to tell me his family issues.  And that he cares about my feelings.

Since I am no stranger to dealing with family issues, I’ll just sit back and let decide what they want to do.

Stay tuned….we’ll see what happens next…

You Might Think…


Year 1 Month 6 Day 7

Again, I’m going to post some excerpts from a couple of blogs that hit home with me.  Not because I’m  crazy n…but because of situations my brother keeps finding himself in.

Without giving away too many details, he ALWAYS finds himself in relationships with bat shit crazy women. And it causes much stress and drama for my sister and me because we find ourselves trying to calm the situation these self-centered bitches stir up.

My brother is bipolar…but he is on medication, does talk therapy and is relatively stable emotionally (he stays on the depressed side rather than the manic side).  His previous wife (who he adopted children with) is also bipolar. (They were each diagnosed well after they married.) They divorced about seven years ago.

Three years ago, he married an old flame. She is a nightmare.  Throughout this blog, I have mentioned a crazy in-law who nearly ripped apart my family.  This woman is the who is the cause of all the stress between me and my siblings.

Now, with that background, my former and current sisters-in-law have done it again…. and tried to suck my sister and myself into drama they have caused.  Luckily both of us have kept ourselves out of it…and are praying that their constant need for attention and control won’t push my brother to a break down.

I’ve been wondering WHY so many men find themselves with drama queens or crazy women. I follow a dating advice blog, and I read so many posts from guys complaining about emotionally unstable women, it’s sad and unnerving.

Well, I think I finally have an explanation.  And it’s not the women’s problem…it’s the man’s problem.

Here is this from The Good Men Project:

If all of the women you end up emotionally involved with are psychos and find a way to make your life hell, the only thing they all have in common is you. So start by looking at yourself.

We see this pattern quite often — the quiet, reserved, “Nice Guy,” continually meets and attracts the emotionally explosive, manipulative, and sometimes hyper-sexual woman. Why does this happen? And why does it seem to happen to the same men over and over?

It happens when you are uncomfortable with intimacy and expressing your emotions openly and honestly. This inability for an emotionally healthy intimacy will inadvertently narrow down your dating options only to the women who are equally screwed up in their ability to maintain a healthy intimacy.

Reading that this moment was a real “AH HA” moment for me. It’s my brother’s own inability to deal with his emotions that draws him to these emotionally unhealthy women.

So, what’s a guy to do?

Well, here is a couple of paragraphs from  Part Two of this series:

It’s of insane importance to work on yourself to get yourself to a place of authentic communication with women. This means not trying to come up with funny texts or ways to convince her to see you. This means not guilting her into spending time with you or having sex with you. This means not creating drama or getting mad at her as a way to keep her closer to you.

There’s a dating karma and what you put out will ultimately come back around and wreck your world.

But, these articles spoke to me not just because of my brother’s situation.

I realized that I was an emotional mess when I was seeing Troy last year. Because I was a mess, I was attracted to a man who was a mess as well.

And I needed that relationship with Troy (as well as the ones with Peter and Robert) so I would become an emotionally stable, confident woman…finally…at fifty.

Thank you Troy, Peter and Robert. Without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am now…and I wouldn’t have been ready for a genuinely healthy relationship with Alex. (And yes, Gentle Readers, I’ll fill you in on him in my next post.)