Going for the Gold

Year One, Month 2, Day 29

Gold, Silver, Bronze

I enjoy the Olympics…particularly the Winter Games.

I love the grace and beauty of figure skating.  I admire the sheer bravery of the sliding athletes (bobsled, luge and skeleton).   The stunts in Freestyle skiing and half pipe snowboarding are astonishing.

It’s great to see the best athletes in the world compete and win.   And, I always feel a little bad for the silver medalist.  To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, “You’re the best of the losers.  Nobody lost better than you.”  Sure, it’s funny.  But it’s true.

These kids work, train, and give up their lives to achieve their dreams of Olympic glory. And then to miss the gold medal by 1/100 of a second must be heartbreaking.

While they make the medal stand and glad to be there, part of them has be a little sad at coming up second best.

That’s a feeling I know all too well, Gentle Reader.

And I hate it.

I have had a few stark reminders the last couple weeks that I am, for some reason, always second best when it comes to men.

I waited in vain for Robert to propose. I settled for being Peter’s dirty little secret…. not just last year but when we first dated in 1989.   Troy had other plans and things that were more important than me. I fucked a married guy and allowed him to walk away scot-free. And I now find myself in a sexual relationship with a man while I continue looking for my Mr. Darcy.

I’m not sure why men never see me as the prize.  I’m intelligent, funny, not unattractive, loving, loyal, passionate and caring.   I’m a great cook, and not afraid to use power tools or change a tire. I don’t need a man to complete me…but I do want one to complement me.

I am a happier and more stable person than I was this time a year ago, but I know the chances of finding love, at my age, are slim.

Why do men ALWAYS see me as the back up girl…the bridesmaid…the silver medalist?

Is it because I see myself as second best; not worthy of being a man’s first choice?

That’s a thought that’s going to fester, Gentle Readers.

I’m tired of coming in second.

I want that gold medal.


15 Things You Should Give Up to be Happy

Day 365

I know I haven’t been writing a lot lately…it’s not that there hasn’t been anything to write ABOUT…it’s just that I’ve been occupied with life and, love, and yes, sex, the last couple of weeks.  I promise I’ll get you caught up this weekend on some interesting developments. 🙂

Gentle Readers, on my one year “Blog-iversay” here is an article  I thought I would pass along.  I have seen this many times, but, as I read it again today, I realized just HOW true it is…and just how much of it I have applied to my life…and how much of it I still have to apply to my life. 


Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:


 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?


 Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel. 

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu


 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.


Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle


about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle


 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.


Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.


Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.


 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell


 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer


Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt


Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.


I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.


This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.


Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

5 Things You Could Learn From Nelson Mandela

Day 342

I just wanted to share this blog I read tonight from David Wygant.  (An internet dating coach I have been following… he actually makes a lot of sense. )  But as I was reading this, I realized this advice could apply to all aspects of your life.

Godspeed, Nelson Mandela.

Enjoy, Gentle Readers.


NelsonUnless you’ve been unconscious for the last few days, you’ll have seen the news that the former president of South Africa, and the man who lead his nation out of decades of apartheid, Nelson Mandela passed away aged 95. While I rarely talk about anything “political” on this blog, there are several lessons about life and love I learned over the years from this iconic figure, which are relevant to what we talk about here day in and day out.

Today I’d like to share them with you. Here are the 5 things I learned from Nelson Mandela along with some of his most inspiring quotes…

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but triumph over it. The brave man is not he who doesn’t feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

So many women tell me they’re afraid of men, or more accurately, they’re afraid of men hurting them emotionally. Maybe you’ve been let down by a guy in the past, or someone took your heart, made you fall in love with them, and then smashed your heart into a thousand pieces. Now you can’t stand the thought of going through that again, so you close off emotionally to protect yourself from men.

You’re so scared of the hurt or rejection you won’t even engage a man in proper conversation, much less approach and flirt with him. Nelson Mandela showed us you can’t make fear vanish. Fear is there to protect us. Fear is a defense mechanism we need as humans to survive.

The key to living a happy and fulfilled life is to realize you can’t live without fear, but you can learn to overcome and beat it. You can’t run away from fear, but you can cope with it enough it doesn’t negatively impact your life.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

In other words, don’t ever give up!

How many times in your life have you said, “I hate men? I’m never going to meet the one. Why do I always get hurt? I’m destined to be an old lonely woman with 100 cats.”

That attitude will get you nowhere in life. I’ve learned over the years that in life, most things are possible if you work hard enough, love yourself, and have a true belief in what you want to achieve. That kind of belief is what got humans flying, took us to the moon, and brought us all of today’s amazing digital gizmos we rely on. There’s nothing stopping YOU meeting a handsome, caring, and dynamic man, who worships the ground you walk on. The only thing holding you back is your mindset.

To achieve anything worthwhile in life you have to have a positive mindset, and total conviction in what you’re doing. I can’t think of many better examples of this than Nelson Mandela. He spent years in prison, but all through that time, he never stopped believing, and never gave up in his ultimate ambition of seeing his land free from apartheid.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

Do you still hate an ex-boyfriend for cheating on you? Do you still blame your ex for your fear of rejection?

How do you feel when you see him walking down the street? Does he make your blood boil? Are you getting angry now just hearing me talking about him?

Who are those negative feelings hurting? You or him?

The only person who suffers when you hold an emotional grudge like that is you. And you’ll never be able to move on into a new relationship, until you’ve embraced past relationships, forgiven former lovers, and learned the lessons they’ve taught you. It doesn’t matter whether your ex was the worst boyfriend in the world. You have to accept your part in the failing of the relationship and let go of any negative energy.

There’s no way you can move on until you do. After Mandela was freed from prison, he could have very easily started an uprising against those who stood against him. Instead, he forgave them and led his people to a relatively peaceful victory. Is there a better example in history of avoiding resentment?

“I like friends who have independent minds because they tend to make you see problems from all angles.”

In my opinion, other women aren’t the greatest givers of relationship advice. You see, women have this habit of trying to second-guess men. If a guy hasn’t called you for a few days, your friends will all start giving opinions about what’s going on. They’ll tell you he’s seeing someone else, he’s already married, or he’s just a player.

The truth is there’s no way they can know why he hasn’t called. When it comes to relationships, you should get advice from a number of sources. Talk to some of your guy friends. That way you get a balanced view of what’s going on.

“Everyone can rise above their circumstances and achieve success if they are dedicated to and passionate about what they do.”

I don’t care if you’re overweight, older, out of work, a single mother, homeless, or whatever else you feel is against you. If you remain dedicated and committed to what you’re trying to achieve in life, you’ll find a way to reach your goals. Somehow, you’ll find a way.

I honestly believe no matter who you are, and wherever you’re from, we all have the power to achieve great things; it’s all about having the right mindset and belief system.

Mandela could have lost hope after 27 years locked away. He could have given up on life, and stopped believing in his cause. He didn’t, and with his incredible mindset, he fulfilled his ambition.

Sure, he had dark beginnings, but Nelson Mandela was a man who knew showed us how to love, how to forgive, and how to open our hearts. If nothing else, he was an amazing communicator, who knew and understood how to connect with people. When you understand how to look into other people’s hearts and to connect with them on a deep meaningful level, there isn’t much in life you can’t achieve.

So farewell Mabida, and thank for the lessons and legacies you leave behind!