Here Comes the Sun


Year 1, Month 3, Day 1

Welcome back, Gentle Reader.

I’m surprised you’ve returned, considering how gloomy my last posts were.   I guess all the wintry weather and Valentine’s Day got to me more than I realized.

But, I’m over it now.

I guess it was another case of the menopause blues.  🙂

When I woke up this morning, I could see the first rays of sunlight streaming into my bedroom, I could hear birds singing outside my window, and I could feel the warmth in the air.

The “long cold lonely winter” is nearly over.

Granted, I’m still not in a real relationship…I’m still in love with Peter… and I’m still looking for a full-time job.

But, the flip side is:

  • I know what I am looking for in a man (and I’m not going to settle)
  • I have the wisdom gained from my past relationships to guide me
  • I had a very promising job interview last week

In other words, things are starting to turn around for Lizzie.

I know it is trite to say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but it really does.  I recognized the signs I was about to slide into another extended period of depression, and I’m nipping it in the bud.   I am going to live in the present and let the past go.  I am actually grateful for the experiences I have had over the last six years.

I look back and smile, because the last six years made me who I am NOW… stronger and wiser.

I KNOW I’m not a silver medalist.  I KNOW I’m not second best.  I KNOW I am going to find my Mr. Darcy.

Here comes the sun…
Here comes the sun…and I say…
It’s all right…

Love is a Battlefield


Day 394  (1 year, 29 days)

Hello, Gentle Readers.  Lizzie is back.

I know you guys must have been wondering where the hell I have been.

To be honest, I had seriously considered shutting this blog down, but I realized I needed to be able to write out my thoughts and get the occasional bit of feedback.

Now, I don’t where to start.

Well, I’ll start shortly before Christmas.  I promise…the highlights only.

  1. I did not get the job I interviewed for.
  2. I have closed my parent’s estate…that entailed A LOT of drama with my greedy ass in-law and sucked a lot of the fun out of the holidays.
  3. I spent Christmas with my sister (who lives ten hours away)  since I was going to be persona non grata at the sibling’s celebration (half an hour away) because of the greedy ass in-law.
  4. I started a FWB relationship with a married man.

See there.  I buried the lead.

Let me explain a bit about the FWB relationship.  It is with the married man who hit on me shortly after my birthday.  HE (no pseudonym, I’ll just refer to him as HE ,HIM, or HIS) has been in regular touch ever since my birthday, asking me to sleep with HIM.  I kept declining.  After all, I was seeing Troy, and I’m not the type of woman to sleep with two men at the same time…usually.

After things sputtered to a halt with Troy, I was feeling unattractive and lonely.  HIS attention and obvious desire was what I needed to rebuild my confidence.  Plus, it didn’t hurt that HE is a very handsome, funny, and intelligent man I’ve had a small crush on since high school.

So, about a week before Christmas, when he asked me to come see him in his city (which is an easy three-hour drive from my city) I said yes.  He booked a hotel room not far from his office, arranged for an early check-in , and asked me to get as early a start as I could the next day; which as it turned out was about 7:30am.

We spent a lovely afternoon together; I hesitate to call it “making love” but it was closer to that than fucking.  Between sessions, he and I would actually talk like the old friends we were.   When I asked him why he was willing to risk his marriage, he said he and his wife had not had sex in two years (since she went into menopause), and that he was tired of not being “intimate” with a woman…but that at the same time he still loved his wife and didn’t want to divorce her.  He swore that he had not actually had intercourse with a woman other than his wife since before he got married twenty years earlier, though he was a member of an “affairs” website, and had “plenty of oral” with women on the site.

I, of course, don’t quite believe this story.   I’m not stupid, after all.  Since HE is very well off financially, I suspect he has other, more practical reasons for not divorcing…YET.  During our conversation HE let slip that they had very little common philosophically (she is a fundamentalist Christian, HE is an agnostic Jew; she is very conservative politically, HE is very liberal, etc.).

So, do I think a divorce likely for HIM?

Yes.

Do I think HE will want a relationship with me after IF HE divorces?

No.

Which is a shame.  HE is a very good match for me on paper; smart, funny, handsome, sensitive, and kind.  But, after Peter, I have a far less romantic view of affairs. And I have no intention of breaking up HIS marriage. If HE decides to divorce, it will because HE wants it for HIMSELF, not for me.  And, how am I to know that HE wouldn’t fool around if we got seriously involved?  So, this is purely a fling for both of us.

We parted mid afternoon so he could put in an appearance at his office at the end of the day and get home at his usual time, and so I could get back to my home and avoid his city’s nightmarish traffic.  I get home early evening, and let HIM know I arrived safe and sound. HE responds, saying HE enjoyed the afternoon, and hopes we can spend more time together…soon.

The rest of the week zips by…thanks to all the drama caused by my greedy ass in-law and last-minute Christmas shopping for my sister.  I leave for her house on Christmas Eve, arriving in time for dinner.

We spend Christmas day with her in-laws.  I had never met any of them, and was instantly welcomed into their family.  So, I ended up having a very pleasant day…and found it sad that I had to travel 600 miles to enjoy a family Christmas when I had sibling  living 30 miles away.  sigh.

I spent the next day with Rachel at her family’s vacation home (which happens to be about 30 minutes away from my sister’s place). Again, it was a fun day of shopping, girl talk, and laughter…which I sorely needed.

That night, I’m talking with my sister, when I get a text from HIM.

HE asked when I was heading back home…and if my route would bring me through HIS city?  I told HIM I was heading back the next day…and that I could indeed drive through HIS city.

So, you guessed it.

We hooked up the next day for a couple of hours.  And, yes, it was fun and passionate.  I’m still convinced that he will divorce his wife, but that our hooking up is not going to be a regular thing.

When I get home, I again let HIM know that I arrived safely, and we proceed to flirt for an hour or so.

Now, what about 2014?

I’ll just say, I haven’t heard from HIM since New Years Eve… and I have no idea if I will.

Now, let me get you up to speed on the other guys I have been talking with since New Years:

  1. “John” is my age, lives not too far from my friends Ann and Rachel.  We have been texting/talking for the last couple of weeks…and I think a meeting is imminent.
  2. “Bob” is 41  and lives in the same city as Ann. We have met a couple of times when he is in town. His company’s main office is in my city, so he is here every three weeks or so.
  3. “Neal”  is 34, lives in town, and is quite attractive.  He is a prospective FWB should HE drop off the face of the earth.
  4. “Elliott” is 52, lives in town, and we are planning to meet face to face for drinks tomorrow afternoon.  (So, I’ll have an update for you on him very soon.)

Again each of these men are worth separate blog posts, so as I meet them I’ll fill you in on their back stories.

I do have a couple of funny/horrifying stories that happened in the week before New Year’s Eve; but those are worthy of separate blog posts, so I’ll just tease you with these…one was the weirdest date I have ever been on, the other is the worst date I have ever been on.

So, Lizzie is back and looking forward to an interesting 2014, Gentle Readers.  I hope you’ll stick with me while I continue to look for “a” Mr. Right… or… at the very least…a Mr. Right Now.

Working for Living…hopefully…


Day 345

I am little antsy Gentle Readers.

I have a job interview tomorrow…the first face to face interview I’ve managed to land since I was laid off a couple of months ago.

God, I hope I don’t mess it up.

We had a quick, fifteen minute phone interview last week that went well.  By the end of it, I knew I would land the face to face …especially when the interviewer said “I think you can pretty much count on an in-person interview next week, Elizabeth.”

Actually, I don’t think I will screw it up. I have always interviewed well. It’s been rare that I DON’T get the job after an in-person interview.   I have worked there before; I loved working there. I was laid off when the economy tanked in 2008.   Luckily, I left on good terms, and am still connected with a lot of the current employees through Facebook.

In fact, I think one of my interviewers tomorrow will be a former co-worker who is now in management.  And the one person there (outside the interviewer) who knows I’m up for the job has promised”talk me up” to help me get the job.

The thing is, I’m perfectly qualified for this job…except in actual EXPERIENCE. It’s for a “new media,” digital job…not an “old media” writing or producing job for which I am more than qualified. ( In fact, I’m probably a better old school TV writer/producer than most of the people on the staff.  I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I am VERY good at what I do.)  It has been genuinely frustrating the last four and half years that I haven’t been able to actually do it because of how media outlets have been cutting back personnel to stay profitable.

I’ve spent most of the last few days “cramming;” I’ve read so much about SEO, SMM, social media and mobile marketing I think my brain is going to explode.

Here I am…a 49 year old woman trying to hit the restart button on her career.  I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone and trying to move my career into the future…otherwise I’ll end up having to move into another career field…and it is proving difficult to persuade employers in other industries that my client and communication skills are transferable and VALUABLE in any business.

By this time tomorrow I’ll know if I hit a home run or if I struck out.

I can’t wait for this damn interview to be over…