Stuck on You


Year One, Month 7, Day 25

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Cupid is a sneaky little bastard.

Alex used the “L” word. (And I don’t mean “lesbian.”)

In an earlier post, I had admitted that I was falling in love with him, but  I was completely unsure about how he felt about me. He’s been through so much the last ten years, that I didn’t really think he WANTED to fall in love again.

And I wasn’t sure I was ready for it myself.

Well, let me explain how it happened.

We had gotten together for our usual Friday night date.  This time it was dinner and we stopped by one of my dearest friend’s home for her 50th birthday party.  (Yes, I’m slowly introducing Allen to my friends and family.)  He was a hit with Annette and her hubby.

We got back to my place, and well, you know.  We are still in the stage where we can’t keep our hands off each other.  🙂

When we woke up the next morning, we enjoyed each other,coffee, breakfast, and each other (again).

But this time somethingfelt very different. I could feel the emotional connection and his vulnerability.  His gentleness and his passion.

At one point, he raises up on his forearms, looks me square in the eye and says “I love you, Lizzie.”

My heart stopped and I could feel tears in my eyes.  I thought to myself…”Does he love me or does he love fucking me? ”  I knew I was going to have to gently find out what he meant, since men will say the darndest things during sex.

I, of course, replied, “I love you, Alex.”  It is honestly how I feel, and I thought may as well let the cat out of the bag.

He saw the tears in my eyes, kissed them away, and said, “I hope those are happy tears, Sweetie. I’m going to do everything in my power to make you happy…and I’m never letting you go.”

Afterwards, he grinned at me and said “Oops…we’ve gone and done it now.”  I asked him if he really meant it when he said he loved me….or was is just the sex?

Alex smiled at me and said, “I love you AND making love to you.  They are one and the same. I knew pretty early on I was falling for you…and I could see how you felt about me when I looked in your eyes.  Yours really are ‘windows to the soul,” Lizzie.  It just felt right at that moment to tell you how I felt.”

I told him that I had meant what I said…that I loved him too and he was stuck with me.

“But,” I continued, “I know this complicates things for you, and that you probably weren’t looking or expecting to fall in love. Let’s just see how everything goes and not rush things.  I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, Alex.  All I want is to make you happy for the rest of my life.”

“You already do that, Sweetie,”  he said.

I’ve found one of my ones.

Stuck on you
I’ve got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can’t lose
Guess, I’m on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I’ll be with you till the end
Guess I’m on my way
Mighty glad you stayed

You Might Think…


Year 1 Month 6 Day 7

Again, I’m going to post some excerpts from a couple of blogs that hit home with me.  Not because I’m  crazy n…but because of situations my brother keeps finding himself in.

Without giving away too many details, he ALWAYS finds himself in relationships with bat shit crazy women. And it causes much stress and drama for my sister and me because we find ourselves trying to calm the situation these self-centered bitches stir up.

My brother is bipolar…but he is on medication, does talk therapy and is relatively stable emotionally (he stays on the depressed side rather than the manic side).  His previous wife (who he adopted children with) is also bipolar. (They were each diagnosed well after they married.) They divorced about seven years ago.

Three years ago, he married an old flame. She is a nightmare.  Throughout this blog, I have mentioned a crazy in-law who nearly ripped apart my family.  This woman is the who is the cause of all the stress between me and my siblings.

Now, with that background, my former and current sisters-in-law have done it again…. and tried to suck my sister and myself into drama they have caused.  Luckily both of us have kept ourselves out of it…and are praying that their constant need for attention and control won’t push my brother to a break down.

I’ve been wondering WHY so many men find themselves with drama queens or crazy women. I follow a dating advice blog, and I read so many posts from guys complaining about emotionally unstable women, it’s sad and unnerving.

Well, I think I finally have an explanation.  And it’s not the women’s problem…it’s the man’s problem.

Here is this from The Good Men Project:

If all of the women you end up emotionally involved with are psychos and find a way to make your life hell, the only thing they all have in common is you. So start by looking at yourself.

We see this pattern quite often — the quiet, reserved, “Nice Guy,” continually meets and attracts the emotionally explosive, manipulative, and sometimes hyper-sexual woman. Why does this happen? And why does it seem to happen to the same men over and over?

It happens when you are uncomfortable with intimacy and expressing your emotions openly and honestly. This inability for an emotionally healthy intimacy will inadvertently narrow down your dating options only to the women who are equally screwed up in their ability to maintain a healthy intimacy.

Reading that this moment was a real “AH HA” moment for me. It’s my brother’s own inability to deal with his emotions that draws him to these emotionally unhealthy women.

So, what’s a guy to do?

Well, here is a couple of paragraphs from  Part Two of this series:

It’s of insane importance to work on yourself to get yourself to a place of authentic communication with women. This means not trying to come up with funny texts or ways to convince her to see you. This means not guilting her into spending time with you or having sex with you. This means not creating drama or getting mad at her as a way to keep her closer to you.

There’s a dating karma and what you put out will ultimately come back around and wreck your world.

But, these articles spoke to me not just because of my brother’s situation.

I realized that I was an emotional mess when I was seeing Troy last year. Because I was a mess, I was attracted to a man who was a mess as well.

And I needed that relationship with Troy (as well as the ones with Peter and Robert) so I would become an emotionally stable, confident woman…finally…at fifty.

Thank you Troy, Peter and Robert. Without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am now…and I wouldn’t have been ready for a genuinely healthy relationship with Alex. (And yes, Gentle Readers, I’ll fill you in on him in my next post.)

Life’s Been Good


Year One, Month 5, Day 16

I know, I know, I know.

I’ve been a bad Lizzie the last couple of months to not keep you up to date on what’s been going on in my life.

So, Gentle Reader, let me catch you up on my doings.

First, I became a great-aunt for the second time about seven weeks ago.  A beautiful baby girl.  I was actually present in the delivery room since neither of my niece’s parents could be present at the birth.  One was caring for my nearly two-year old nephew, the other was coming in a couple of days later once my niece was out of the hospital.

It was an honor to be there  as a sweet, innocent life came into the world. The following day, as I was rocking my new niece and watching the news from the Ukraine, I realized the best way to achieve world peace was to sit in a rocking chair with a newborn in your arms.

There is no way you can think bad thoughts when you are cradling a baby.

Second, I have organized a book club among my friends, so  running it has been good for my brain as I research new books and decide what we’ll be reading next.  I also joined a second club and have made several new friends through it.  I’ve read several excellent books, and now have several more on my list.  So, now on those rare evenings when I am not out and about, I have an interesting book to keep me company.

Third, ny dear friend Mary has gotten me involved in organizing a fundraiser for the local Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.  I have been looking for some kind of public service event or charity to become involved with, and when she approached me to head up the media and marketing team for this event she is chairing, I jumped on it.  She’s also roped in several of our friends as well, so planning this shindig is proving to be fun!

Fourth, my freelance work has been picking up, and even though I haven’t yet been offered a full-time job anywhere, I have had several interviews in the last month, so I know it’s just a matter of time before I am offered gainful employment.

Finally, I have been seeing a terrific guy I’ll call “Alex.”

Whoops.

I buried the lead.

We met on OK Cupid, the night after my niece was born.  I had gotten home from nearly thirty-six hours at the hospital, and I was exhausted. I checked my messages, and I saw that I had a pile of messages waiting to be read.  I opened Alex’s, and was immediately impressed.

It was well written, sincere, and obvious that he had read my entire profile.  He lived about twenty miles away from me, was the same age as my brother (58), college educated, attractive, and a ninety-one percent match.

Usually a match that high meant he lived hundreds of miles away from me… not a mere twenty.

I saw he was online, and I decided to go ahead and respond.    He replied almost immediately.

We began chatting, and before I realized it, it was nearly 1AM, and I was about to fall asleep with my head on the keyboard of my laptop. We said good night and he asked if we could continue the conversation the following day.  I said, of course, and sweet dreams.

By the end of the weekend, Alex had asked me out to dinner for either Thursday or Friday that the following week…depending upon my schedule with the new baby and my family obligations.

To make a long story short, we met for dinner on Thursday… and we hit it off. The conversation was easy and relaxed, He was utterly charming and sweet.  He even gave me a single red rose when he met me.  (Cheesy, I know, but NO ONE had ever done that before.)  When he walked me back to my car, he asked if I was available the following Tuesday evening (I was going to visit my bestie Ann that weekend for her fifieth birthday party), and after I said yes, he kissed me.

Fireworks.

Again, to make a long story short, Alex and i have been seeing each other two or three times a week for the last six weeks. No, we haven’t met each others families.  We haven’t met each others friends (unless we happened to bump into them when we were together).

But I don’t think it will be too long before that happens.

In upcoming posts, I’ll talk a little more about what is actually going on in our relationship…and a few of the complications. (Yes, there are some…but I’m not freaking out over them.)  But while I do see some yellow caution flags, I am not rushing things with him.  I’m letting this relationship develop as it will.  But, I can say confidently, that Alex isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Right now, life is pretty damn good for LIzzie.  My life is full of friends, intellectual stimulation, and romance.

It’s all starting to come together…and I’m damn glad I’m finally getting the sweet end of lollipop.