Stuck on You


Year One, Month 7, Day 25

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Cupid is a sneaky little bastard.

Alex used the “L” word. (And I don’t mean “lesbian.”)

In an earlier post, I had admitted that I was falling in love with him, but  I was completely unsure about how he felt about me. He’s been through so much the last ten years, that I didn’t really think he WANTED to fall in love again.

And I wasn’t sure I was ready for it myself.

Well, let me explain how it happened.

We had gotten together for our usual Friday night date.  This time it was dinner and we stopped by one of my dearest friend’s home for her 50th birthday party.  (Yes, I’m slowly introducing Allen to my friends and family.)  He was a hit with Annette and her hubby.

We got back to my place, and well, you know.  We are still in the stage where we can’t keep our hands off each other.  🙂

When we woke up the next morning, we enjoyed each other,coffee, breakfast, and each other (again).

But this time somethingfelt very different. I could feel the emotional connection and his vulnerability.  His gentleness and his passion.

At one point, he raises up on his forearms, looks me square in the eye and says “I love you, Lizzie.”

My heart stopped and I could feel tears in my eyes.  I thought to myself…”Does he love me or does he love fucking me? ”  I knew I was going to have to gently find out what he meant, since men will say the darndest things during sex.

I, of course, replied, “I love you, Alex.”  It is honestly how I feel, and I thought may as well let the cat out of the bag.

He saw the tears in my eyes, kissed them away, and said, “I hope those are happy tears, Sweetie. I’m going to do everything in my power to make you happy…and I’m never letting you go.”

Afterwards, he grinned at me and said “Oops…we’ve gone and done it now.”  I asked him if he really meant it when he said he loved me….or was is just the sex?

Alex smiled at me and said, “I love you AND making love to you.  They are one and the same. I knew pretty early on I was falling for you…and I could see how you felt about me when I looked in your eyes.  Yours really are ‘windows to the soul,” Lizzie.  It just felt right at that moment to tell you how I felt.”

I told him that I had meant what I said…that I loved him too and he was stuck with me.

“But,” I continued, “I know this complicates things for you, and that you probably weren’t looking or expecting to fall in love. Let’s just see how everything goes and not rush things.  I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, Alex.  All I want is to make you happy for the rest of my life.”

“You already do that, Sweetie,”  he said.

I’ve found one of my ones.

Stuck on you
I’ve got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can’t lose
Guess, I’m on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I’ll be with you till the end
Guess I’m on my way
Mighty glad you stayed

Ready to Take A Chance Again


Year 1, Month 6, Day 19

Okay, Gentle Readers. Time to bring you up to date on things with Alex.

But, first, I ended things with my FWB, Elliott. I took the bull by the proverbial horn a couple of weeks ago and told him I couldn’t continue sleeping with him. He was very kind and sweet… and told me he thought something was going on… and that I deserved to be happy. He also said he wanted to continue the “friends” part of our relationship. So… thus endth Lizzie’s FWB experiment. Cleanly…neatly… and no drama.

For once.

Now, back to Alex.

We’ve been seeing each other now for nearly three months…usually a couple times a week.  We’ve spent most of the last three weekends together…either at my place or at his place.  I don’t want to sound corny, but I am beginning to suspect that I may have met my other half.

He is funny, intelligent, sweet-natured, and an all around decent and kind man. We have so much in common that it actually frightens me a little. Food, wine, religious views, moderate politically, books, TV and movies.

And, I’m not going to tap dance around this; we really connect sexually.  When we are together, I feel like we are one.  I haven’t felt like that in ages… maybe since Peter and I were last together.

I do realize Alex and I are in smack in the middle of the honeymoon/discovery/can’t keep our hands off each other phase of the relationship right now.  (And I intend to enjoy this phase as LOOOOOOOOOOOONG as I can.)  The oxytocin is flowing and we are bonding as couple.  So there is a chemical/biological reason for the physical bonding that leads to an emotional connection.

That emotional connectstock-photo-silhouette-couple-kissing-over-sunset-background-96511558ion is growing.

I met two of his three children last night. You don’t introduce a casual girlfriend (or boyfriend) to your adult kids or family unless you know that person is going to be a part of your life…and that you have feelings for them.

Now, it’s Alex’s turn to meet mine (including my crazy ass sister-in-law) sometime in the next couple of weeks while my youngest niece is in town.

So, yeah.  It’s getting serious. And I suspect Alex and i are falling in love as well.

Which scares the bejesus out me.

I haven’t had the best of luck in men I have loved.  Peter and Robert were both bad choices.  Peter because he didn’t love me enough to turn his life upside down to include me in it; Robert because he was a womanizing, insecure, manipulative asshole who wanted to have his cake (me…the sweet, respectable girlfriend) and eat it too (his affairs with multiple women).

I know I need to take all this one day at a time…and let my relationship with Alex develop organically.  I also know I need to take a chance again with my heart.

So, here I go…

 

Good Feeling


Year One, Month Five, Day 18

Well, now that I have let y’all in on my latest romantic victim “Alex,” I’ll go ahead and fill you in on some of the complications in this budding relationship.

I mentioned in my last post that he was the same age as my brother.  He is average height (about 5’10”), has salt and pepper hair, blue eyes, a very strong jaw line, and the cutest little dimpled chin.  He’s no movie star, but when he smiles, his entire face lights up and he is quite attractive.

He is a geologist by training, and works mainly in water/envionmental clean up for a government contractor. He grew up here in town, and went to a now long gone high school on the south side.  He attended a university other than the one in our city, but at least it wasn’t one of its biggest competitors, so should we still be seeing each other come football season, we can at least root for the others alma mater (until they play each other).

He has three children (all in their 20’s) and one grandchild (age 10), and his oldest child is getting married in a couple of months. No, I have not met them yet; I’m leaving the timing for that up to him.

His first wife died of colon cancer about eight years ago; his children were all in their teens when she passed away.  His father died about year after his wife.  He then married his second wife about six months after his dad passed away, about eighteen months after his first wife.

Alex told me at the time he realized he was probably making a mistake by marrying this woman, but he did it anyway. And as it turned out, he was right. She apparently would not let his kids come to the wedding, and did not want them to be a part of his life. And, he let her do it because he didn’t want to hear her complain, bitch and moan about it.

It sounds like he has managed to successfully rebuild his relationship with his kids.  But because he rushed a relationship with a woman while he was mourning his first wife and father, I going to let him set the timetable on meeting his kids… even though they are aware he is seeing someone.

Here’s the main complication.

He’s separated….not divorced.  He has been separated from wife number two for four years. And Alex says the final divorce settlement is ready to be filed… once his step daughter graduates from college next year.

To give him credit, he told me about the separation in the first thirty minutes of our first date. And to my credit, I didn’t mentally give him the heave-ho when he told me.

His stepdaughter has some gynecological issues that require monitoring, and her mom apparently cannot afford to cover the child on her insurance, so Alex is keeping her on his health plan until she starts her job next summer. (Her father isn’t in the picture.)  He also apparently owns the condo this girl is living in and is planning to sell it to her when she is fully employed.

I appreciated the fact that he was being honest with me. (He had,during our online chatting, given me his full name and said to Google him.  I did, and everything he told me matched.)   It shows he is a caring man who takes family responsibilities seriously.

When I decided to date “age appropriate” men, I realized children (and possible grandchildren) were going to part of the equation, and I was going to have to accept that the kids (no matter their age) would come first.  When I was seeing Troy, I had no intention of coming between him and his children, and I have the same intention with Alex.

I find Alex’s dedication and love for his family attractive…because it matches mine.  In fact, we laugh at just how much we have in common.

  1. We both spent summers growing up in the “country” with grandparents.
  2. Our family backgrounds are similar:  never divorced parents in an upper middle class suburban neighborhood.  Our moms had a lot of the same interests…our dads were hardworking professionals.
  3. His grandson calls him the same name that my dad was called by my nieces (Poppy).
  4. His stepdaughter’s gynecological issue is the same as mine at her age (polycystic ovarian disease.)
  5. His soon to be ex is a negative thinking, devil’s advocate type who is never wrong about anything. (Just like Robert.)
  6. We both hate conflict and will do anything we can to avoid it. (Not a good thing, but I am working on at least talking about problems before they become an issue.)

Of course, we have a lot of “superficial” things in common as well, TV shows, music, food likes/dislikes, etc.

And, I’ll be blunt here; the sex is fantastic. We just seem to “fit” perfectly.

I know right now we are still in the “honeymoon” period of the relationship.  The oxytocin is flowing and we are infatuated with each other.  I know he isn’t perfect and I sure as hell know I’m not perfect. What happens when we have a crisis or have to face a problem together, I don’t know. We can only find out the answers in time…and can only hope that we will stick it out.

One thing I have realized about being in love is that it’s all about how that other person makes you feel inside…and how you want to make them feel inside. It’s not about jobs, looks, money, kids, family.

It’s about the two of you…and all that superficial shit isn’t important.

I am NOT in love…yet. But, I can see it happening.

I have a good feeling about Alex.

A very good feeling indeed.