When I Was Your Man


Year One, Month Eleven, Day 17

It’s been exactly two years since I broke up with Robert.

Time flies when you’re having fun.

What’s funny though, is that I ran into his best friend, Sarah,  about a week ago at the Trader Joe’s near my condo.

I hadn’t seen in her more than two years…and had not talked with her since a few months after I dumped Robert.

She hadn’t changed a bit, and I was very happy to see her

After she and I got caught up on each others lives (Yes, I told her about Alex, and how happy he made me), I asked her how Robert was doing.

She looked me, shook her head sadly, and said, “Lizzie, he is worse than he was when you broke up with him.  He is more crochety, disagreeable, and he’s gotten mean-spirited.  His house is falling down around his ears.  He hasn’t gotten the air and heating system fixed YET, and he hates his job. ”

I said, “Sounds about right.”

Sarah continued, “Lizzie, not too long ago he texted me and Chuck to meet him to see a band downtown.  I replied saying it sounded fun…when do you want to meet?”  No response.  I continued to text him asking when he wanted to get together….and still heard nothing. When the day came for the show, I hadn’t heard from him, so Chuck and I decided to head to the club on our own.  We ordered a drink, and I got a text from him saying ‘Guess you’re not interested in coming. See you next time.’  Fifteen minutes later, he walked into the club and was shocked to see us.  He was there to hook up with someone.  Good God, Lizzie!  He’s 67 years old….and the women there were mostly in their 20’s.  They would look at him and say, ‘Aw…you’re so cute…just like my grandfather.’

I said, “I’m not surprised.  He always thought he was the best lover in the town.  Hate to tell you, but he’s not…and IT is not a big deal.”

“Lizzie,” she continued, “You did the right thing by breaking up with him.  I’ll tell you, he was upset about the breakup  for months.  I finally told him ‘you were lucky she put up with your shit for 23 years.  If you hadn’t lied and cheated on her and treated her the way you should have she never would have never left you.’

We parted soon after Sarah said that, each of us promising to keep in touch.

I know we won’t.

But that conversation with her stuck with me.  It confirmed that my decision to end things with him was right.

I don’t feel angry at Robert any more.

I feel sorry for him; an old man trying to pick up women forty years younger than he?  Stuck in a dilapidated house with a job he hates and no family to care if he lives or dies.

It’s pathetic.  And I am lucky to be out of it and with a kind generous man who loves me.

So when I heard this Bruno Mars song yesterday, I immediately thought of Robert:

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should’ve bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should’ve gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
‘Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby’s dancing
But she’s dancing with another man

Although it hurts
I’ll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I’m probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
‘Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man

 

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Stuck on You


Year One, Month 7, Day 25

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Cupid is a sneaky little bastard.

Alex used the “L” word. (And I don’t mean “lesbian.”)

In an earlier post, I had admitted that I was falling in love with him, but  I was completely unsure about how he felt about me. He’s been through so much the last ten years, that I didn’t really think he WANTED to fall in love again.

And I wasn’t sure I was ready for it myself.

Well, let me explain how it happened.

We had gotten together for our usual Friday night date.  This time it was dinner and we stopped by one of my dearest friend’s home for her 50th birthday party.  (Yes, I’m slowly introducing Allen to my friends and family.)  He was a hit with Annette and her hubby.

We got back to my place, and well, you know.  We are still in the stage where we can’t keep our hands off each other.  🙂

When we woke up the next morning, we enjoyed each other,coffee, breakfast, and each other (again).

But this time somethingfelt very different. I could feel the emotional connection and his vulnerability.  His gentleness and his passion.

At one point, he raises up on his forearms, looks me square in the eye and says “I love you, Lizzie.”

My heart stopped and I could feel tears in my eyes.  I thought to myself…”Does he love me or does he love fucking me? ”  I knew I was going to have to gently find out what he meant, since men will say the darndest things during sex.

I, of course, replied, “I love you, Alex.”  It is honestly how I feel, and I thought may as well let the cat out of the bag.

He saw the tears in my eyes, kissed them away, and said, “I hope those are happy tears, Sweetie. I’m going to do everything in my power to make you happy…and I’m never letting you go.”

Afterwards, he grinned at me and said “Oops…we’ve gone and done it now.”  I asked him if he really meant it when he said he loved me….or was is just the sex?

Alex smiled at me and said, “I love you AND making love to you.  They are one and the same. I knew pretty early on I was falling for you…and I could see how you felt about me when I looked in your eyes.  Yours really are ‘windows to the soul,” Lizzie.  It just felt right at that moment to tell you how I felt.”

I told him that I had meant what I said…that I loved him too and he was stuck with me.

“But,” I continued, “I know this complicates things for you, and that you probably weren’t looking or expecting to fall in love. Let’s just see how everything goes and not rush things.  I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, Alex.  All I want is to make you happy for the rest of my life.”

“You already do that, Sweetie,”  he said.

I’ve found one of my ones.

Stuck on you
I’ve got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can’t lose
Guess, I’m on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I’ll be with you till the end
Guess I’m on my way
Mighty glad you stayed

Ready to Take A Chance Again


Year 1, Month 6, Day 19

Okay, Gentle Readers. Time to bring you up to date on things with Alex.

But, first, I ended things with my FWB, Elliott. I took the bull by the proverbial horn a couple of weeks ago and told him I couldn’t continue sleeping with him. He was very kind and sweet… and told me he thought something was going on… and that I deserved to be happy. He also said he wanted to continue the “friends” part of our relationship. So… thus endth Lizzie’s FWB experiment. Cleanly…neatly… and no drama.

For once.

Now, back to Alex.

We’ve been seeing each other now for nearly three months…usually a couple times a week.  We’ve spent most of the last three weekends together…either at my place or at his place.  I don’t want to sound corny, but I am beginning to suspect that I may have met my other half.

He is funny, intelligent, sweet-natured, and an all around decent and kind man. We have so much in common that it actually frightens me a little. Food, wine, religious views, moderate politically, books, TV and movies.

And, I’m not going to tap dance around this; we really connect sexually.  When we are together, I feel like we are one.  I haven’t felt like that in ages… maybe since Peter and I were last together.

I do realize Alex and I are in smack in the middle of the honeymoon/discovery/can’t keep our hands off each other phase of the relationship right now.  (And I intend to enjoy this phase as LOOOOOOOOOOOONG as I can.)  The oxytocin is flowing and we are bonding as couple.  So there is a chemical/biological reason for the physical bonding that leads to an emotional connection.

That emotional connectstock-photo-silhouette-couple-kissing-over-sunset-background-96511558ion is growing.

I met two of his three children last night. You don’t introduce a casual girlfriend (or boyfriend) to your adult kids or family unless you know that person is going to be a part of your life…and that you have feelings for them.

Now, it’s Alex’s turn to meet mine (including my crazy ass sister-in-law) sometime in the next couple of weeks while my youngest niece is in town.

So, yeah.  It’s getting serious. And I suspect Alex and i are falling in love as well.

Which scares the bejesus out me.

I haven’t had the best of luck in men I have loved.  Peter and Robert were both bad choices.  Peter because he didn’t love me enough to turn his life upside down to include me in it; Robert because he was a womanizing, insecure, manipulative asshole who wanted to have his cake (me…the sweet, respectable girlfriend) and eat it too (his affairs with multiple women).

I know I need to take all this one day at a time…and let my relationship with Alex develop organically.  I also know I need to take a chance again with my heart.

So, here I go…