Good Feeling


Year One, Month Five, Day 18

Well, now that I have let y’all in on my latest romantic victim “Alex,” I’ll go ahead and fill you in on some of the complications in this budding relationship.

I mentioned in my last post that he was the same age as my brother.  He is average height (about 5’10”), has salt and pepper hair, blue eyes, a very strong jaw line, and the cutest little dimpled chin.  He’s no movie star, but when he smiles, his entire face lights up and he is quite attractive.

He is a geologist by training, and works mainly in water/envionmental clean up for a government contractor. He grew up here in town, and went to a now long gone high school on the south side.  He attended a university other than the one in our city, but at least it wasn’t one of its biggest competitors, so should we still be seeing each other come football season, we can at least root for the others alma mater (until they play each other).

He has three children (all in their 20’s) and one grandchild (age 10), and his oldest child is getting married in a couple of months. No, I have not met them yet; I’m leaving the timing for that up to him.

His first wife died of colon cancer about eight years ago; his children were all in their teens when she passed away.  His father died about year after his wife.  He then married his second wife about six months after his dad passed away, about eighteen months after his first wife.

Alex told me at the time he realized he was probably making a mistake by marrying this woman, but he did it anyway. And as it turned out, he was right. She apparently would not let his kids come to the wedding, and did not want them to be a part of his life. And, he let her do it because he didn’t want to hear her complain, bitch and moan about it.

It sounds like he has managed to successfully rebuild his relationship with his kids.  But because he rushed a relationship with a woman while he was mourning his first wife and father, I going to let him set the timetable on meeting his kids… even though they are aware he is seeing someone.

Here’s the main complication.

He’s separated….not divorced.  He has been separated from wife number two for four years. And Alex says the final divorce settlement is ready to be filed… once his step daughter graduates from college next year.

To give him credit, he told me about the separation in the first thirty minutes of our first date. And to my credit, I didn’t mentally give him the heave-ho when he told me.

His stepdaughter has some gynecological issues that require monitoring, and her mom apparently cannot afford to cover the child on her insurance, so Alex is keeping her on his health plan until she starts her job next summer. (Her father isn’t in the picture.)  He also apparently owns the condo this girl is living in and is planning to sell it to her when she is fully employed.

I appreciated the fact that he was being honest with me. (He had,during our online chatting, given me his full name and said to Google him.  I did, and everything he told me matched.)   It shows he is a caring man who takes family responsibilities seriously.

When I decided to date “age appropriate” men, I realized children (and possible grandchildren) were going to part of the equation, and I was going to have to accept that the kids (no matter their age) would come first.  When I was seeing Troy, I had no intention of coming between him and his children, and I have the same intention with Alex.

I find Alex’s dedication and love for his family attractive…because it matches mine.  In fact, we laugh at just how much we have in common.

  1. We both spent summers growing up in the “country” with grandparents.
  2. Our family backgrounds are similar:  never divorced parents in an upper middle class suburban neighborhood.  Our moms had a lot of the same interests…our dads were hardworking professionals.
  3. His grandson calls him the same name that my dad was called by my nieces (Poppy).
  4. His stepdaughter’s gynecological issue is the same as mine at her age (polycystic ovarian disease.)
  5. His soon to be ex is a negative thinking, devil’s advocate type who is never wrong about anything. (Just like Robert.)
  6. We both hate conflict and will do anything we can to avoid it. (Not a good thing, but I am working on at least talking about problems before they become an issue.)

Of course, we have a lot of “superficial” things in common as well, TV shows, music, food likes/dislikes, etc.

And, I’ll be blunt here; the sex is fantastic. We just seem to “fit” perfectly.

I know right now we are still in the “honeymoon” period of the relationship.  The oxytocin is flowing and we are infatuated with each other.  I know he isn’t perfect and I sure as hell know I’m not perfect. What happens when we have a crisis or have to face a problem together, I don’t know. We can only find out the answers in time…and can only hope that we will stick it out.

One thing I have realized about being in love is that it’s all about how that other person makes you feel inside…and how you want to make them feel inside. It’s not about jobs, looks, money, kids, family.

It’s about the two of you…and all that superficial shit isn’t important.

I am NOT in love…yet. But, I can see it happening.

I have a good feeling about Alex.

A very good feeling indeed.

Life’s Been Good


Year One, Month 5, Day 16

I know, I know, I know.

I’ve been a bad Lizzie the last couple of months to not keep you up to date on what’s been going on in my life.

So, Gentle Reader, let me catch you up on my doings.

First, I became a great-aunt for the second time about seven weeks ago.  A beautiful baby girl.  I was actually present in the delivery room since neither of my niece’s parents could be present at the birth.  One was caring for my nearly two-year old nephew, the other was coming in a couple of days later once my niece was out of the hospital.

It was an honor to be there  as a sweet, innocent life came into the world. The following day, as I was rocking my new niece and watching the news from the Ukraine, I realized the best way to achieve world peace was to sit in a rocking chair with a newborn in your arms.

There is no way you can think bad thoughts when you are cradling a baby.

Second, I have organized a book club among my friends, so  running it has been good for my brain as I research new books and decide what we’ll be reading next.  I also joined a second club and have made several new friends through it.  I’ve read several excellent books, and now have several more on my list.  So, now on those rare evenings when I am not out and about, I have an interesting book to keep me company.

Third, ny dear friend Mary has gotten me involved in organizing a fundraiser for the local Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.  I have been looking for some kind of public service event or charity to become involved with, and when she approached me to head up the media and marketing team for this event she is chairing, I jumped on it.  She’s also roped in several of our friends as well, so planning this shindig is proving to be fun!

Fourth, my freelance work has been picking up, and even though I haven’t yet been offered a full-time job anywhere, I have had several interviews in the last month, so I know it’s just a matter of time before I am offered gainful employment.

Finally, I have been seeing a terrific guy I’ll call “Alex.”

Whoops.

I buried the lead.

We met on OK Cupid, the night after my niece was born.  I had gotten home from nearly thirty-six hours at the hospital, and I was exhausted. I checked my messages, and I saw that I had a pile of messages waiting to be read.  I opened Alex’s, and was immediately impressed.

It was well written, sincere, and obvious that he had read my entire profile.  He lived about twenty miles away from me, was the same age as my brother (58), college educated, attractive, and a ninety-one percent match.

Usually a match that high meant he lived hundreds of miles away from me… not a mere twenty.

I saw he was online, and I decided to go ahead and respond.    He replied almost immediately.

We began chatting, and before I realized it, it was nearly 1AM, and I was about to fall asleep with my head on the keyboard of my laptop. We said good night and he asked if we could continue the conversation the following day.  I said, of course, and sweet dreams.

By the end of the weekend, Alex had asked me out to dinner for either Thursday or Friday that the following week…depending upon my schedule with the new baby and my family obligations.

To make a long story short, we met for dinner on Thursday… and we hit it off. The conversation was easy and relaxed, He was utterly charming and sweet.  He even gave me a single red rose when he met me.  (Cheesy, I know, but NO ONE had ever done that before.)  When he walked me back to my car, he asked if I was available the following Tuesday evening (I was going to visit my bestie Ann that weekend for her fifieth birthday party), and after I said yes, he kissed me.

Fireworks.

Again, to make a long story short, Alex and i have been seeing each other two or three times a week for the last six weeks. No, we haven’t met each others families.  We haven’t met each others friends (unless we happened to bump into them when we were together).

But I don’t think it will be too long before that happens.

In upcoming posts, I’ll talk a little more about what is actually going on in our relationship…and a few of the complications. (Yes, there are some…but I’m not freaking out over them.)  But while I do see some yellow caution flags, I am not rushing things with him.  I’m letting this relationship develop as it will.  But, I can say confidently, that Alex isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Right now, life is pretty damn good for LIzzie.  My life is full of friends, intellectual stimulation, and romance.

It’s all starting to come together…and I’m damn glad I’m finally getting the sweet end of lollipop.

 

 

Going for the Gold


Year One, Month 2, Day 29

Gold, Silver, Bronze

I enjoy the Olympics…particularly the Winter Games.

I love the grace and beauty of figure skating.  I admire the sheer bravery of the sliding athletes (bobsled, luge and skeleton).   The stunts in Freestyle skiing and half pipe snowboarding are astonishing.

It’s great to see the best athletes in the world compete and win.   And, I always feel a little bad for the silver medalist.  To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, “You’re the best of the losers.  Nobody lost better than you.”  Sure, it’s funny.  But it’s true.

These kids work, train, and give up their lives to achieve their dreams of Olympic glory. And then to miss the gold medal by 1/100 of a second must be heartbreaking.

While they make the medal stand and glad to be there, part of them has be a little sad at coming up second best.

That’s a feeling I know all too well, Gentle Reader.

And I hate it.

I have had a few stark reminders the last couple weeks that I am, for some reason, always second best when it comes to men.

I waited in vain for Robert to propose. I settled for being Peter’s dirty little secret…. not just last year but when we first dated in 1989.   Troy had other plans and things that were more important than me. I fucked a married guy and allowed him to walk away scot-free. And I now find myself in a sexual relationship with a man while I continue looking for my Mr. Darcy.

I’m not sure why men never see me as the prize.  I’m intelligent, funny, not unattractive, loving, loyal, passionate and caring.   I’m a great cook, and not afraid to use power tools or change a tire. I don’t need a man to complete me…but I do want one to complement me.

I am a happier and more stable person than I was this time a year ago, but I know the chances of finding love, at my age, are slim.

Why do men ALWAYS see me as the back up girl…the bridesmaid…the silver medalist?

Is it because I see myself as second best; not worthy of being a man’s first choice?

That’s a thought that’s going to fester, Gentle Readers.

I’m tired of coming in second.

I want that gold medal.